Teenage Exorcist - 1991
Dir: Grant Austin Waldman

An unsuspecting girl rents an old house that takes possession of her mind. When her sister and brother-in-law find her transformed into a smoking, drinking, chainsaw wielding seductress, they call in a priest and a local pizza delivery boy to wage war against the demons of hell!

TRUE DUDES REVIEW:

Well, I liked this better than William Friedkin’s EXORCIST.
Diane (Brinke Stevens) is fresh out of college, done with dorm life and looking for a place of her own. Lucky for her,Baron DeSade’s old pad is up for grabs. Unfortunately, the house is totally haunted by is sadistic former tenant. Of course, naive little Diane doesn’t know about any of this shit. But, I guess that’s what you would expect when Michael (The Hills Have Eyes) Berryman is your fuckin’ real estate agent. The house has its little quirks (the milk containers breathe, the python occaisonally hallucinates, and the lettuce bleeds when you cut it). But, when rent’s just $25 a month, who the fuck cares?!
The Baron isn’t too happy about the virgin Diane moving in on his turf. DeSade doesn’t waste any time possessing the young lass and turning her into a slutty party animal. Sensing that something’s a little wrong with her new place, Diane invites her sister and brother-in-law over to visit. They get there a little too late, and Diane is in total trampy demon mode. Possessed Diane gets the party started by trying to fuck her sister’s husband Mike (Jay Richardson), and then trying to kill her sister Sally (Elena Sahagun) with a chainsaw. They take it upon themselves to subdue Diane and tie her to her bed. Diane’s nerdy pseudo-boyfriend Jeff drops by to check on her. After seeing that she’s totally possessed, he decides it time to bring in a fuckin’ priest.
Father McFerrin (Robert Quarry) hauls his fat ass over to the mansion to perform the exorcism. McFerrin spills the beans about the history of the mansion and the evil Baron DeSade. After a few failed attempts at aborting Diane’s demons, the padre decides it’s time to call in the big guns, the motherfuckin’ Monseigneur! Unfortunately, he gets the Monseigneur’s answering machine, which refers him to another number. McFerrin fucks up and dials the wrong number. He reaches a fuckin’ pizza place and accidentally orders pizzas instead of getting a more qualified exorcist.
Enter Eddie (Eddie Deezen) as the nerdy, mischievous pizza boy. It doesn’t take the group long to figure out that Eddie is not the heroic exorcist they thought they were getting. With the real exorcist out of the picture, the group has to foil the evil DeSade’s virgin sacrifice on their own. After several wacky attempts, they blow up the demonici Desade and free Diane from her possessed state. And to add insult to injury they make a pizza using the demonic DeSade’s head as a topping, prepared by chef Michael (Berryman).
Teenage Exorcist is a perfect example of a good b-movie. It’s got a nice, smooth pace propelled by clever dialogue and cheeky Mad magazine-esque sight gags. The original story was written by Fred Olen Ray (Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Bikini Drive-In, Dinosaur Island) and the screenplay was penned by Teenage Exorcist star Brinke Stevens (Slumber Party Massacre, Sorority Babes in the Slime-Ball Bowl-A-Rama). Teenage Exorcist was directed by Fred Olen Ray collaborator Grant Austin Waldman. Waldman worked as assistant director to Ray on Bad Girls from Mars and Wizards of the Demon Sword. In fact, a majority of the cast and crew are Fred Olen Ray regulars.
What really makes this film is its cast. Robert Quarry (Count Yorga, Vampire) is great as the bumbling Irish priest. Eddie Deezen plays basically the same hyperactive super-nerd that he always plays, which I think is fucking hilarious. The same kinda goes for Brinke, typical Brinke acting, only in this one she plays both the shy girl and the seductive evil temptress. Fred Olen Ray favorite Jay Richardson is really funny in this as Mike the uptight, yuppie stockbroker (although, I thought he was funnier in Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers). Elena Sahagun is really nothing special acting-wise, however, she is awesome in her nude shower scene. It’s also fucking great seeing Michael Berryman play a straight character and not just some deranged psycho. Although it’s not a big scene, he really shines as the timid real estate agent.
I wouldn’t really recommend this if you’re just looking for excessive gore or nudity. I would recommend this, however, if your looking for high-spirited b-movie fun.

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True Dudes gives Teenage Exorcist 3 out of 5 middle fingers.

Barn of the Naked Dead - 1974
Director: Alan Rudolf/Andrew Prine/Gerald Cormier

Three young women on their way to Las Vegas attempt a short cut through the desert only to have their car break down. They are picked up by Andre (Andrew Prine) who offers to take them to safety. Instead, Andre takes them back to his barn and chains them down. It seems Andre has a bit of a circus fetish and takes pleasure in kidnapping young women and training them to become obedient circus animals for his deranged circus.

TRUE DUDES REVIEWS:

I can not fucking believe that I’m just now getting around to seeing this! This is one of the best exploitation films I’ve seen in a long time. It reminded me a lot of Spider Baby in the way it seems like your typical, run of the mill camp film, but actually delivers some genuinely creepy moments. Many of the scenes are heightened by the enjoyable porno-esque soundtrack. Andrew Prine is especially good in his role as the sadistic ringleader. I also thought that Andres murderous, radioactive father who lives in the shed was a nice touch (it reminded me of the deformed creature that lives in the basement from The Brain that Wouldn’t Die). I recommend the fuckin’ shit out of this film!
This DVD was released by Legend House (Johnny and Lynnie Legends DVD company). The DVD supplements on this disc are pretty fucking impressive! There’s a great half-hour interview with Barn of the Naked Dead star andrew Prine. Plus, you get the Gore Beat, Johnny Legends video zine. Gore Beat delivers some enjoyable interviews (John Landis, Fred Olen Ray, Brian Yuzna) and Johnny’s tribute to horror films that take place down on the farm (trailers for Invasion of the Blood Farmers and Death Farm). There is also a short bit with Ray Dennis Steckler about his next film and some on set footage of Legend playing live. All good shit!

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True Dudes gives The Barn of the Naked Dead 4 out of 5 middle fingers.

Northville Cemetery Massacre - 1976
Director - Thomas Dyke/William Dear

True Dudes Review:

The Spirts Motorcycle Club (potrayed by actual members of Detroit’s Scorpions Motorcycle Club) may look like a rowdy gang of shit kickin’ skull splittin’ dope pushin’ mother fuckers, but really they’re just a misunderstood organization that dosen’t wanna take any shit from the man. Unfortunately, that comes back and bites ‘em in the ass. After the cops break up one of the Spirt’s shindigs, the cops locate a friend of the club and his girlfriend. The cops beat the shit out of the kid, then beat and rape his girlfriend. The Spirts are then wrongly accused of raping and beating the young woman. The woman’s father is disapointed in the lack of help the cops can give, so one of “pigs” helps him to form a vigalante gang to get some revenge. The gang offs a few of the Spirts, which sparks an all out battle of bikers vs. pigs.
Overall it’s pretty fuckin’ badass. It’s got a nice bleak outlook on society and makes you hate the cops even more than you already do. It’s kind of like a low-budget, biker exploitation version of The Wild Bunch in some ways. The end of Northville Cemetary Massacre did remind me of the “Battle of Bloody Porch” scene from The Wild Bunch. Luckly, the DVD hasn’t been remastered or cleaned up at all, giving it the gritty, fucked up look it deserves.
It’s nice to see that VCI Enertainment actually put some effort into the bonus features. It offers two director comentarry tacks with Thomas Dyke and William Dear and another commentary track with existing members of the Scorpions. I would imagine the Scorpions track is probably the most intresting. It also offers photo galleries (the one with international lobby cards and vhs covers is pretty cool) and talent bios. It has trailers, but unfortuntantly there isn’t one for Northville Cemetery Massacre.
If you happen to be looking for more in the way of biker exploitation, I reccomend Wild Angels, Werewolves on Wheels, Satan’s Sadists, and She Devil’s on Wheels.

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True Dudes gives Northville Cemetery Massacre 3 out of 5 middle fingers.