Published on February 19, 2008 by admin
Creature from the Hillbilly Lagoon - 2007
Director: Richard Griffin
TRUE DUDES REVIEW:
Dumb shit fuckin’ hillbillies have been dumping toxic waste from a genetic research lab in the local watering hole. A group of young scientists go to check out the toxicity levels in the waters. While collecting some samples, one of the scientist is bitten by a mysterious aquatic entity lurking below the surface. Later, the aforementioned dumb shit fuckin’ hillbillies are ripped to fuckin’ shreds by the country fried creature. The hillbillies’ kin get worried about them and takes to the woods in search of their lost little hilljacks. After finding the their remains and a run-in with the creature, they decide to get the fuck out of the woods. Their paths cross with the young scientists who have just discovered that the bitten scientist is now turning into to a fish man. After discovering that an evil female scientist from the genetics lab is responsible for the bloodthirsty fish men, it’s time to get the fuck away from the water.
This is sort of like an intentionally campy Humanoids from the Deep, kind of a Humanoids from the Deep South. It’s got toxic waste, hillbillies, a shitty looking creature costume, naked chicks and lots of politically incorrect dialogue. So, it pretty much kept my attention for the eighty-five minutes it was on the screen. While it’s got some good points, it’s also got the bad: embarrassing acting, lots of continuity problems and corny fucking dialogue. At least the creature delivers some creative kills–the beer can through the heart was a nice touch.
Disc is from Shock-O-Rama. Extras include a commentary track, deleted scenes and lots of trailers from Shock-O-Rama.
If you like this review and would like to purchase the DVD go to the TDR Shop.
True Dudes give Creature from the Hillbilly Lagoon 1 out of 5 middle fingers.
Published on February 18, 2008 by admin
COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU ON FEB. 22ND
VANTAGE POINT:
5 different points of view intersect during an attempted presidential assassination.
Starring: Dennis Quaid, Forest Whitaker, and Matthew Fox
“An intriguing concept with a great cast. How can this miss?”
BE KIND REWIND:
2 friends remake lost VHS tapes, in order to save their video rental business and satisfy their most loyal customer.
Starring: Jack Black and Mos Def
“This could be awesome! The premise is so good I wish I had thought of it.”
CHARLIE BARTLETT:
A trouble maker at a new school appoints himself the student body therapist.
Starring: Anton Yelchin and Robert Downey Jr.
“This has been pushed from release date to release date. It looks like it could be good, but it appears the studio has no faith in it.”
WITLESS PROTECTION:
A small town sheriff rescues the star witness to an upcoming trail.
Starring: Larry the Cable Guy and Jenny McCarthy
“Every movie Larry the Cable Guy makes is a huge piece of shit. Why should this be any different?”
THE SIGNAL: (LIMITED)
A mysterious transmission is turning everyone into killers.
Starring: Anessa Ramsey and Justin Welborn
“A unique horror movie that looks like it’s going to kick ass.”
POSSESSION: (LIMITED)
A car accident puts a woman’s husband and brother in law into comas. The brother in law wakes up thinking he’s the husband.
Starring: Sarah Michelle Gellar and Lee Pace
“Sarah Michelle Gellar has not starred in anything that great since Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But she’s fucking hot, so who cares.”
Published on February 16, 2008 by admin
TRUE DUDES REVIEWS WEEKLY WHAT THE FUCK!!!
The weekly What the Fuck is a weekly column (obviously) that has to do with whatever is pissing us off this week in the world of movies.
WEEKLY WHAT THE FUCK #3
Roy Scheider is dead. Another in the long line of great American actors, who lost their battle with cancer. This is a huge loss to the world of film. Roy Scheider’s filmography includes such greats as The French Connection, Jaws, Marathon Man, and Romeo is Bleeding. There should be parades, television specials, Bravo or TMC should be running Roy Scheider movie marathons. Sadly, all Roy got was a short blip on the news letting America know of his passing. Yet, today I read the 100th news article on Heath Ledger. He’s everywhere. Come on people! Heath Ledger! Don’t get me wrong, Heath Ledger was in a movie I enjoyed. I thought he was great in Lords of Dogtown. But, that was it. His filmography includes nearly a dozen pieces of shit such as 10 Things I Hate About You, The Patriot, A Knights Tale, Ned Kelly, and The Brothers Grimm. I know people are going to say that Heath Ledger’s death was more tragic because he died before his time. But you know what? Fuck that! I mean, we’re talking about Police Chief Martin Brody here. All Heath Ledgers going to be remembered for is playing a gay cowboy. Roy Scheiders the fucking guy who killed Jaws. What the fuck?
Published on February 16, 2008 by admin
Bad Girls from Mars - 1991
Director: Fred Olen Ray
TRUE DUDES REVIEW:
Someone is knocking off every actress who tries to play the Space Queen on the set of the upcoming B-movie Bad Girls in Space. They get the foreign Emmanuelle (Edy Williams–Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, Naked Kiss, Chained Heat) to take over as the newest Space Queen. As production keeps rolling along, the bodies keep piling up. It’s red herrings a-go-go in this low budget who done it.
So, the title is a little bit deceiving. I was expecting some kind of T and A epic in space. However, its more of a medium-paced, B-movie mystery. It’s kind of a mix between Blood and Black Lace and Sex Bomb. The routine plot is kept afloat with raunchy gags, cheeky shenanigans, and lots of nudity: everything you’ve come to expect from director Fred Olen Ray (who has a small roll as a convenience store robber).
Disc is from Lions Gate Entertainment. You get one trailer (Bad Girls from Mars).
If you like this review and would like to purchase the DVD go to the TDR Shop.
True Dudes gives Bad Girls from Mars 2 out of 5 middle fingers. 
Published on February 14, 2008 by admin
A young man learns he can teleport from one place to another.
TRUE DUDES REVIEWS:
I fully expected this to blow. But, as it turns out, I was pleasantly surprised for once. The film was fast paced and exciting. Stylish direction, cool sets, and good special effects come together to make this movie alot of fun.
Now don’t get me wrong. It has its fair share of problems. The acting is mediocre and a couple of the storylines have a rushed and weak conclusion. All this aside, I still really enjoyed myself and the “To Be Continued” ending actually left me wanting more. If you’re looking for silly, mindless, action packed fun this may be the movie for you.
True Dudes gives Jumper 3 out of 5 middle fingers.
Published on February 13, 2008 by admin
A family finds themselves pulled into an alternate world full of strange creatures.
TRUE DUDES REVIEW:
If I were 7 years old, I would have loved this movie. But, since I’m 27 years old, I thought it sucked. Annoying child actors spouting corny dialog ruin this big budget, kiddie fantasy film before it even takes off. The story is predictable and filled with plot threads that go all over the place, but never lead anywhere.
The only thing worth recommending are the special effects. They are top of the line and fill the movie with a sense of imagination. Although The Spiderwick Chronicles has it’s heart in the right place, its never as exciting or epic as it wants to be.
True Dudes gives The Spiderwick Chronicles 2 out of 5 middle fingers.
Published on February 12, 2008 by admin
The Return of Swamp Thing - 1989
Director: Jim Wynorski
TRUE DUDES REVIEW:
Leafy super hero Swamp Thing (Dick Durock) is back to go another round with the evil Dr. Anton Arcane (Louis Jourdan), who apparently didn’t die in the first film. Heather Locklear plays Arcane’s ditzy stepdaughter. She visits Arcane seeking closure to her mother’s mysterious passing. Arcane, taken by her beauty and youth, decides she would make a prime candidate for one of his experiments as he tries to obtain eternal youth for himself. Swamp Thing, hip to the mad doctors sinister shenanigans, comes to the rescue.
I liked this way better than Wes Cravens limp-dicked take on Swamp Thing (1982). This has badass mutant/monsters, fun characters, and a fucking sense of humor. Also, Swamp Thing actually looks like a cool superhero and not just some some fucking jerk in a green leotard like he did in the ‘82 version. Wynorskis initiative really comes through, especially with the opening credit sequence. Fun movie.
The Image Enertainment special edition has lots of cool special features: audio commentary from director Jim Wynorski, promo reel, still gallery, six tv spots, and theatrical trailer. You also get two public service announcements from Swamp Thing.
Weird side note: Director Jim Wynorski is one of the featured interviewees in John McCarty’s book The Sleaze Merchants. In it he’s asked what it was like working with Louis Jourdan. Very bluntly, he keeps saying he hates Jourdan. McCarty tries to delve a little deeper as to why the two didn’t get along, and Jim just keeps saying things like “It starred Louis Jourdan, whom I hate,” “Let’s just say I hate him,” “I hate him. That’s all I can tell you.” I always thought that was so fucking awesome and funny to hear a director say that about a stubborn actor. So, when I got the disc I was more than stoked to see there was an audio commentary from Jim. I couldn’t wait to hear what he had to say about Jourdan. However, on the commentary he explains that he thought he was a good actor, a little difficult to work with, but then he says “we got along”(you can hear his voice kind of change as he says it). I was hoping he was gonna call him a “cocksucker” or something. After listening to more of the commentary you can sort of tell that Jim Wynorski is way more professional than that.
If you like this review and would like to purchase the DVD go to the TDR Shop.
True Dudes gives The Return of Swamp Thing 3 out of 5 middle fingers.
Published on February 12, 2008 by admin
Satanic Yuppies - 1996
Director: Mark Burchett and Michael D. Fox
TRUE DUDES REVIEW:
Fuckin’ wise ass news reporter, Pete McGavin, is down on his luck trying to find a story that will really get him recognized as the accomplished writer he believes himself to be. Unfortunately, most of his stories seem to focus around Bigfoot, UFO’s and conspiracy theories. Pete’s editor is fed up with his shit and sends him out to interview a local politician. The local politician just so happens to be planinng a big virgin sacrifice to Satan with the help of Brittany Drake, the head of a local advertising agency. Pete slowly begins to get wrapped up in the yuppies ghastly plot to perform the sacred “Bride of Satan” ritual, aritual that will make them super rich and powerful.
It could’ve been way worse. It could’ve not had any nudity, gore FX, or the occasional funny gag here or there. But, then again, with a title like SATANIC YUPPIES it could’ve been way the fuck better! Started out promising, but went down hill pretty fast. It kind of reminded me of Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, only this isn’t very funny of clever. However, it does offer two cameos from Bill Hinzman(Night of the Living Dead, the Crazies, FleshEater) and Debbie Rochon(B-movie darling extraordinaire). Shot on what I’m assuming is digital film, it’s your typical subpar B-movie exploit.
The disc is from Tempe DVD. It offers a commentary from cast and crew along with a 30 minute interview. It also offers some kind of newscast parody detailing the yuppie killings a year after. Isn’t sad when crappy movies have special features that nobody except the cast and crew care about.
If you like this review and would like to purchase the DVD go to the TDR Shop.
True Dudes gives Satanic Yuppies 1 out of 5 middle fingers.
Published on February 11, 2008 by admin
COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU ON FEB. 14TH & 15TH
THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES:
A family finds themselves pulled into an alternate world full of strange creatures.
Starring: Freddie Highmore and David Strathairn
“Another kiddie fantasy film for the Harry Potter/Bridge to Terabithia set”.
JUMPER:
A young man discovers he can teleport from one place to another.
Starring: Hayden Christensen and Samuel L. Jackson
“Just mentioning Anakin Skywalker almost kills any interest I had in this movie. However, it’s exciting premise may be enough to sell it to the rest of the population”.
STEP UP 2: THE STREETS:
Students from a preppy dance school compete in an underground dance competition.
Starring: Robert Hoffman and Briana Evigan
“Another teen dance movie? How original”.
DEFINITELY MAYBE:
A single father tells his daughter about his previous relationships with women.
Starring: Ryan Reynolds and Abigail Breslin
“It looks like crap, but Ryan Reynolds is likable enough, so who knows.
DIARY OF THE DEAD (LIMITED) FEB 15TH
A group of film students working on a class project encounter the undead.
Starring: Michelle Morgan and Joshua Close
“If you are not excited for a new zombie flick by George Romero, then maybe you’re undead”.
Published on February 9, 2008 by admin
A stand up comedy documentary, in which, Vince Vaughn hand picks four up and coming comedians to travel the country and perform in 30 cities.
TRUE DUDES REVIEW:
This is definitely a guy’s movie. Not because of all the dirty language, which there is a fucking shit load of, but because of how relatable it is. The whole film revolves around dirty jokes, male bonding, and comradery. You know that feeling you get when you’re on vacation and its time to come home? That’s how I felt when this movie ended.
The comedians were all great, but the stand out was John Caparulo. He was hilarious. Everyone’s jokes seemed new and fresh (which is rare these days). This is one of the better stand up comedy docs I’ve seen. Finally, Vince Vaughn as the M.C. comes across as a sincerely nice, cool guy, who gave these four comedians the break they were looking for.
True Dudes gives Vince Vaughn’s Wild West Comedy Show 4 out of 5 middle fingers.
