Published on May 31, 2008 by admin
TRUE DUDES REVIEWS WEEKLY WHAT THE FUCK!!!
The weekly What the Fuck is a weekly column (obviously) that has to do with whatever is pissing us off this week in the world of movies.
WEEKLY WHAT THE FUCK #16
There must be alot of horny, old women out there or slut chic must be back in style, because Sex and the City is going to out perform the second weekend of Indiana Jones. Not only is this un-fucking believable, it’s just down right fucking wrong. How can this happen America? I thought the only people who liked Sex and the City were woman and gay men. Apparently every homosexual dude everywhere flocked to see this fucking movie. I just don’t get it. Indiana Jones is an icon. The ladies from Sex in the City are nothing more than snobby bitches who like to fuck guys with money. Could a movie be more shallow? What the Fuck?
Published on May 30, 2008 by admin
A couple cozied up in a vacation home are terrorized by three unknown assailants.
TRUE DUDES REVIEW:
Brutal, unpleasant, and unrelenting. Definitely scary and reminiscent of the slasher flicks from the 70’s. The Strangers is the kind of horror film that leaves you feeling uneasy even after you have left the theater. About 15 min. into the movie the terror begins and it doesn’t let up. I was on the edge of my seat for most of the movie. And if I wasn’t on the edge of it I was jumping out of it.
This film was extremely fast paced. At only 85min. long, the scares come fast and furious. I think the scariest thing about The Strangers is that it seems so real. This shit could really happen. Both of the stars (Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman) did great jobs. Their characters are people the viewer can actually care about and route for. Also, they were never doing the usual idiotic victim clinches. For once, a horror movie has smart, engaging characters who think before they act. They did what most normal people would do in this type of a situation and I found that refreshing. The Strangers is a well made and super intense movie.
True Dudes gives The Strangers 4 out of 5 middle fingers.
Published on May 29, 2008 by admin
USA Weekend Box-Office Summary
Week of 23 May 2008
Rank / Title / Weekend / Gross
1 Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) $126M $151M
2 The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2008) $28.6M $96.7M
3 Iron Man (2008) $25.6M $258M
4 What Happens in Vegas… (2008) $11.2M $56.4M
5 Speed Racer (2008) $5.21M $37.4M
6 Baby Mama (2008) $4.21M $53M
7 Made of Honor (2008) $4.2M $39.9M
8 Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) $2.2M $58.7M
9 Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2008) $1.2M $36.2M
10 The Visitor (2007/I) $917K $4.57M
Indy was the big winner! He captured the second highest memorial weekend ever, behind only Pirates 3. Narnia took a big shit, dropping around 50%. Iron Man continues to hold well and will easily overtake Narnia next weekend.
Published on May 28, 2008 by admin
COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU ON MAY 30TH:
SEX AND THE CITY:
Set four years after we last saw the ladies, Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte negotiate their friendships, romances, and careers in New York City. At the center of it all is Carrie’s pending nuptials to Mr. Big.
Starring: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, and Cynthia Nixon
“I never watched this shit when it was on HBO and I won’t be watching it now. “
THE STRANGERS:
A couple cozied up in a vacation home are terrorized by three unknown assailants.
Starring: Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman
“This one looks scary as hell. Lets hope it lives up to the promise of the trailer.”
THE FOOT FIST WAY:
A down-and-out Tae Kwon Do instructor looks to turn his life around by going on a pilgrimage with his buddy and two of his students to see his hero, the martial arts legend Chuck “The Truck” Wallace, at a kung-fu convention.
Starring: Danny McBride
“A while ago we showed you this trailer and you almost pissed your pants laughing. If you see the movie you might just shit your pants it’s so fucking cool.”
Published on May 23, 2008 by admin
Famed archaeologist/adventurer Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones is called back into action to stop a Soviet plot to uncover and use ancient artifacts in order to take over the world.
TRUE DUDES REVIEW:
Let me start by saying that I thought this movie was awesome. I loved it and I had a great time watching it. I probably had a stupid smile on my face for almost the entire thing. However, I can understand the criticism. The film is definitely hokey. It’s ridiculous and nowhere near realistic, and it uses a bit too much CGI. But you know what? Even with all of those complaints, it’s still a fucking blast! It may be my least favorite Indiana Jones flick, but that still makes it better than almost anything else.
It’s great to see Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones. He hasn’t lost his touch. Also I thought Shia LaBeouf was great as Indy’s sidekick Mutt. It was their co-stars that didn’t fair as well. The villians just aren’t that menacing and no one else is given very much to do. That’s o.k. though, the action scenes more than make up for it. They are nonstop and innventive. At barely over two hours, the film flies by. My biggest complaint has to do with George Lucas. The viewer can almost tell which scenes were his idea. Hint, they’re the ones that suck. Without going too far into detail, I could have done without the prarie dogs and monkeys (you’ll see what I mean). Overall, Indy 4 is fantastic. I’ll be excited to see if there’s an Indy 5 in our future. The ending seems to suggest that Harrison Fords’ not ready to give up the fedora just yet.
True Dudes gives Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull 4 out of 5 middle fingers.
Published on May 23, 2008 by admin
TRUE DUDES REVIEWS WEEKLY WHAT THE FUCK!!!
The weekly What the Fuck is a weekly column (obviously) that has to do with whatever is pissing us off this week in the world of movies.
WEEKLY WHAT THE FUCK #16
I thought it was common knowledge that Katie Holmes sucks. While Batman Begins was awesome, she was terrible in it. Her best role was probably Disturbing Behavior and that’s saying something. I thought everyone felt this way , but apparently I’m wrong (it does happen from time to time). According to imdb.com, the worst kept secret on Broadway is no longer a secret - Katie Holmes will star in the upcoming revival of playwright Arthur Miller’s All My Sons. The Batman Begins star will join a cast that also will include John Lithgow, Dianne Wiest and Patrick Wilson. The drama, about a family patriarch’s darkest secret, was Miller’s first big hit and is beloved by thespians and theatre critics throughout the world. It will mark the first time a Miller play has been staged on Broadway since the writer’s death in 2005. The play will also be Holmes’ Broadway debut. Venue and dates were not available as WENN went to press, but the play is expected to debut this autumn.
Are you shitting me Broadway? Do you know who Katie Holmes is? Not only can’t she act, but she’s a fucking looney. How else can you explain her marriage to Tom Cruise? At first I thought that this must be a joke, but it’s not. What the fuck Broadway?
Published on May 21, 2008 by admin
USA Weekend Box-Office Summary
Week of 16 May 2008
Rank / Title / Weekend / Gross
1 The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian(2008) $55M $55M
2 Iron Man (2008) $31.8M $223M
3 What Happens in Vegas…(2008) $13.9M $40.3M
4 Speed Racer (2008) $8.12M $30.3M
5 Made of Honor(2008) $4.7M $33.9M
6 Baby Mama (2008) $4.68M $47.3M
7 Forgetting Sarah Marshall(2008) $2.79M $55.3M
8 Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2008) $2M $34.1M
9 The Forbidden Kingdom(2008) $1.07M $50.4M
10 The Visitor (2007/I) $672K $3.39M
Narnia was not quite the blockbuster the studio thought it would be, though it still fared better than Speed Racer (even though it’s not half as good). Iron Man continues to hold strong and surprisingly so does What Happens in Vegas. By the way, what the hell is The Visitor and how does it crack the top ten?
Published on May 20, 2008 by admin
COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU ON MAY 23RD:
INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL (MAY 22ND):
Famed archaeologist/adventurer Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones is called back into action to stop a Soviet plot to uncover and use ancient artifacts in order to take over the world.
Starring: Harrison Ford, Cate Blanchett, and Shia LaBeouf
“If you aren’t excited for this movie you’re probably dead. Likely to be the highest grossing film of the year, Indy 4 looks great and is going to be a fun time at the movies.”
POSTAL (LIMITED):
In the ironically named city of Paradise, a recently laid-off loser teams up with his cult-leading uncle to steal a peculiar bounty of riches from their local amusement park; somehow, the recently arrived Taliban have a similar focus, but a far more sinister intent.
Starring: Dave Foley and Verne Troyer
“From universally hated director, Uwe Boll comes an insane looking piece of cinematic shit. Supposedly it’s all tongue in cheek, but who the hell can tell if anything in a Uwe Boll movie is intentionally hunerous.”
Published on May 18, 2008 by admin
The Pevensie children return to Narnia one year after their first adventure in the magical land. Soon after entering the kingdom, however, they learn that 1,000 years has passed here, and all is not well since an evil king ascended to the throne. The children and allies both old and new band together to help restore the kingdom to its rightful heir, Prince Caspian.
TRUE DUDES REVIEW:
I almost really liked this movie. Almost. As it is, great special effects can not compensate for a weak script, bad acting, and an extreme lack of character development. While the first film was a kids flick all the way, this sequel tries too hard to mix adult situations with children’s humor.
The special effects are among the best I have ever seen. Truly top notch work. I wish they had taken some of that strength and put it in to the other aspects of the film. All of the main actors are back. The problem is that though they are older they are exactly the same. The script tries nothing new and neither do the actors. Putting them in grown up situations only magnifies this shortcoming. While the film does have a number of exciting battle scenes, they are under minded by wacky comic relief that feels very out of place. None of the new characters are giving anything to do except spout cute and funny bits of dialouge in all the wrong places. And since this is a movie for the kids, can someone tell me why it has a run time of nearly 3 hours? The last two reels are next to pointless. Don’t get me wrong, the film is not a total loss and if you enjoyed the first you are likely to enjoy this one as well.
True Dudes gives Prince Caspian 3 out of 5 middle fingers.
Published on May 17, 2008 by admin
Joy and Jack meet while on a Las Vegas bender, where their drunken nuptials are only part of a larger problem: What to do when Jack wins $3 million with Joy’s quarter, and they are forced to spend six months as wife and husband if they are to see a penny of their winnings.
TRUE DUDES REVIEW:
A ridiculous premise, ridiculous overacting, with ridiculous characters make for a film that is, you guessed it, fucking ridiculous. I didn’t hate this movie. I have to admit that I did laugh a couple of times, but I’m totally embarrassed about it.
For starters, this is so far from being able to ever actually happen it’s insane. Had the main characters been smarter, they could have avoided the whole retarded mess. Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz play the main characters like a couple of loonies. These two wackos should be locked up. Their wild overacting further mars what was only mediocre to begin with. The film ends predictably sweet and near the finale the acters do tone things down a bit. While I’m definitely not recommending this film, it’s not the worst piece of shit I have ever seen.
True Dudes gives What Happens in Vegas 2 out of 5 middle fingers.