A couple cozied up in a vacation home are terrorized by three unknown assailants.

TRUE DUDES REVIEW:

Brutal, unpleasant, and unrelenting. Definitely scary and reminiscent of the slasher flicks from the 70’s. The Strangers is the kind of horror film that leaves you feeling uneasy even after you have left the theater. About 15 min. into the movie the terror begins and it doesn’t let up. I was on the edge of my seat for most of the movie. And if I wasn’t on the edge of it I was jumping out of it.

This film was extremely fast paced. At only 85min. long, the scares come fast and furious. I think the scariest thing about The Strangers is that it seems so real. This shit could really happen. Both of the stars (Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman) did great jobs. Their characters are people the viewer can actually care about and route for. Also, they were never doing the usual idiotic victim clinches. For once, a horror movie has smart, engaging characters who think before they act. They did what most normal people would do in this type of a situation and I found that refreshing. The Strangers is a well made and super intense movie.

True Dudes gives The Strangers 4 out of 5 middle fingers.

Here at True Dudes we support the independent filmmaker and their many hardships. So we would like to give them an opportunity to get their films seen. If you would like us to post your film please send it to us through our contact page. Be sure to include the title of the film and a brief description, and anything else you want us to know.

THE DEAD MUST GO!
Trapped during a zombie outbreak a young woman must decide how to escape. A zombie/comedy filmed and edited in 1 day. The ending is guaranteed to disgust.
THE DEAD MUST GO!

A Mexican vacation takes a turn for the worse for a group of Americans when they head into the jungle to look for the missing brother of a fellow traveler. A foreboding encounter with a couple locals is only a hint of the evil that awaits them on a patch of secluded hillside.

TRUE DUDES REVIEW:

The book was better. Isn’t it always? I’ve been eagerly awaiting this film. I found out they were adapting the novel as I was reading it and the awesomeness of the book only made my desire to see the movie that much more intense. But, leaving the theater last night I was filled with a huge sense of disappointment and the more I think about it the more pissed off I get.

While the film does deliver in the gore and nudity catagories (so at least it’s not a total loss), it severly lacks any suspense or terror. Where the book was filled with realistic and intersesting characters, the film is filled with generic, boring, and cliched stereotypes. And where the novel was surprising and frightening, the film was predictable and left me checking my watch. The film was such a lean adaptation that many of the elements that made the novel such a badass read are quickly glazed over.

Even though I was disappointed, the film is not a complete piece of shit. The acting was at least not cringe inducing and the special effects and make up effects were surprisingly realistic. I anticipated hating the CGI and was shocked to see how good it looked. So while not the great movie I was hoping for, it’s certainly not the worst horror flick I’ve ever seen. Hell, it’s not even the worst one I’ve seen this year.

True Dudes gives The Ruins 2 out of 5 middle fingers.

Here at True Dudes we support the independent filmmaker and their many hardships. So we would like to give them an opportunity to get their films seen. If you would like us to post your film please send it to us through our contact page. Be sure to include the title of the film and a brief description, and anything else you want us to know.

CARCASS:
A college students friend/roomate has gone missing and her bizarre dreams hint at a sinister evil lurking at the university. A mad scientist/creature feature made in three days for under $100.00.
CARCASS

Neon Maniacs - 1986
Director: Joseph Mangine

Late one night in the mid -1980s, a group of high school kids went out to party in a shitty park some where in San Francisco. Little did the kids know that they were partying on Neon Maniac turf. The Neon Maniacs are a brutal group of underground mutant punks that come out every night (weather permitting) to rip the shit out of humans in the Bay area. So, all the kids in the party are slaughtered except for Natalie. The police don’t believe Natalie’s story because the Neon Maniacs removed all the evidence from the scene of the crime. Luckily for Natalie, Paula, who’s kind of like a horror obsessed Nancy Drew, receives info about the disappearance of the teenagers and goes to investigate.
All the while, Natalie is being harassed because people think that she just came up with some bullshit story about the monsters killing her friends. Natalie is comforted by her socially inept, romantic interest Steven. Steven takes Natalie out on a date to take her mind off of things. But, the Neon Maniacs want to take care of her once and for all and almost get them after highjacking their subway car, then attacking them on a city bus. The next morning Paula informs them that water is only way to take the Maniacs down.
Steve realizes that the Maniacs will probably plan their next attack conveniently on the same night of the Battle of the Bands that he’s organizing. Armed with squirt guns and two fucking awful rock bands (one of which is fronted by Steven), they’re totally ready to wipe out the Maniacs. Before long the Maniacs try to crash the party once again. But clever little Paula puts the kibosh on their slaughtering shenanigans quicker than you can say “shittiest fuckin’ movie ever” by turning the fire hose on the Maniacs. After the the police interrogate the kids about what happened at the party, they decide to raid the Maniacs purported hideout. They find no trace of the homicidal fiends. Of course when the main detective goes back for a second look around, they get him with the old meat hook through the throat gag.
This is sorta like an extremely low-budget version of Clive Barker’s Nightbreed had it been adapted by retarded people. Really, the script makes no fucking sense, and I was kinda of pissed that they never gave any kind of back story about why there are mutant killers living under the Golden Gate bridge. And the whole thing about water killing them is such a weak, fucking copout. They shoulda taken the time to come up with a creative way to destroy the mutants. I was surpised to find that director, Joseph Mangine, was the cinematographer for such b movie classics as Alligator 1&2, Mother’s Day, Squirm and I Drink You Blood. This would be a perfect movie for when you’re about five or six beers deep and know that your friends are gonna be talking and making fun of the movie during it’s entire duration.
DVD is from Anchor Bay. Special features include one theatrical trailer.

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True Dudes gives Neon Maniacs 1 out of 5 middle fingers.

NIGHT OF THE CREEPS MOTHERFUCKERS

All of you lucky fucks that have Showtime, get those DVRs ready!  Night of the Creeps is coming.  Watch it on March 26th at 1:30 am or March 29th at 4:05 am.  It’s a crime against humanity that this film has not been released on DVD, but at least we still have a chance to watch it every now and again.

Two young psychos put a vacationing family through a series of psychologically and physically abusive games.
 
TRUE DUDES REVIEW:

What a bizarre fucking movie.  At times disturbing and intense, then moments later humerous and quirky.  Even the fourth wall is broken in this film, with the characters speaking directly to the viewing audience.  Think of it like Ferris Beuller’s Day Off meets Silence of the Lambs.  The characters never act the way they should or the way you want them to, making this film compelling, frustrating, and never predictable.

The acting is great, especially by the two killers, who are equal parts charming and frightening.  The film also looks great and it’s style has a very European feel to it.  I also loved how there was almost no score.  It added a haunting quality to this movie.  Overall, I really loved this film, but at the same time I’m not sure I want to see it again any time soon.

True Dudes gives Funny Games 4 out of 5 middle fingers.

I’ll Kill You…I’ll Bury You…I’ll Spit on Your Grave Too! - 2007
Director: Thomas R. Koba

TRUE DUDES REVIEW:
A group of college students venture out to the country to check out the location of a of a future research center/ farm, which also happens to be the location of a grisly murder 25 years earlier. The college kids get to farm and learn all about the bullshit legend that comes with it. It seems the property was once owned by Elmo McFloyd. Elmo died while his son Roger was off fighting in Vietnam. When Roger got back he was pissed to find out that the property was sold to the college by his uncle, and Roger disappeared after that.
One night the uncle and his mistress were chopped up with a chainsaw, then shortly after that some college kids were killed. (I just wanna make clear that all of this is summed up pretty quick in a short monologue by the shitty actor that kind of looks like the dad from Family Ties. And that they never really come back to put any emphasis on any of these plot points through out the movie.) The next day two of the college girls are confronted by the pissed-off sheriff who explains his extreme hatred for college kids. Shortly after that the college kids start getting whacked by a guy wearing army fatigues (hint, hint) and one of those shitty bag-masks.
Earlier in the film, one of the college girls randomly fucked a gas station attendant. The gas station attendant became smitten with the little college slut and decide to go looking after her. He has a run in with the sheriff who informs him that the college farm is private property belonging to some guy called Preston. Gas boy goes to Preston to find out what’s going on. Preston is a wheelchair-bound alcoholic with a picture of himself in Vietnam garb. Preston gives him a map of the farm and sends him on his way.
He finds two of the college students still alive at the farm. As they try to escape they run into the sheriff who places them under arrest and throws them into the back of an ice cream truck which is doubling as a paddy wagon. The masked killer knocks out the sheriff and subdues the others. When they come to, they see that the killer is in fact Preston. The sheriff comes in and cracks the case, discovering that Preston is Roger Mc Floyd. The sheriff is killed giving the group a chance to get away. They get the killer on to a wood chipper and run him through, it turning his flesh and bones into human mulch.
First off this has nothing to do at all with the 1977 sleaze-fest, I Spit on your Grave. This is total Z-grade schlock at it’s finest. Often, I feel a small amount of guilt giving some low budget films negative reviews when they appear to have the potential to be good movies but just didn’t have the budget. That’s however not the case with this cinematic shit storm. It’s actually kind of scary, based solely on the fact that the film makers apparently don’t realize how completely fucking sleazy a film there making. You kind of get the feeling watching this that the film makers got bored of making amateur porn films one day and decided to try their hand at making a horror movie. This movie is like having someone rip out both of your eyes then having them shit in one socket and piss in the other. I need a drink.
Disc is from Eden Entertainment (Robo Vampire, Cannibal Hookers). The disc offers no special features. In fact, it doesn’t even have a fucking menu. Oh, and you can’t flip from scene to scene. My guess is the class acts over at Eden Entertainment intentionally did this to give it that cool, retro VHS feel.

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True Dudes gives I’ll Kill You…I’ll Bury You…I’ll Spit on Your Grave Too! 0 out of 5 middle finger.

Creature from the Hillbilly Lagoon - 2007
Director: Richard Griffin

TRUE DUDES REVIEW:
Dumb shit fuckin’ hillbillies have been dumping toxic waste from a genetic research lab in the local watering hole. A group of young scientists go to check out the toxicity levels in the waters. While collecting some samples, one of the scientist is bitten by a mysterious aquatic entity lurking below the surface. Later, the aforementioned dumb shit fuckin’ hillbillies are ripped to fuckin’ shreds by the country fried creature. The hillbillies’ kin get worried about them and takes to the woods in search of their lost little hilljacks. After finding the their remains and a run-in with the creature, they decide to get the fuck out of the woods. Their paths cross with the young scientists who have just discovered that the bitten scientist is now turning into to a fish man. After discovering that an evil female scientist from the genetics lab is responsible for the bloodthirsty fish men, it’s time to get the fuck away from the water.
This is sort of like an intentionally campy Humanoids from the Deep, kind of a Humanoids from the Deep South. It’s got toxic waste, hillbillies, a shitty looking creature costume, naked chicks and lots of politically incorrect dialogue. So, it pretty much kept my attention for the eighty-five minutes it was on the screen. While it’s got some good points, it’s also got the bad: embarrassing acting, lots of continuity problems and corny fucking dialogue. At least the creature delivers some creative kills–the beer can through the heart was a nice touch.
Disc is from Shock-O-Rama. Extras include a commentary track, deleted scenes and lots of trailers from Shock-O-Rama.

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True Dudes give Creature from the Hillbilly Lagoon 1 out of 5 middle fingers.

The Return of Swamp Thing - 1989
Director: Jim Wynorski

TRUE DUDES REVIEW:

Leafy super hero Swamp Thing (Dick Durock) is back to go another round with the evil Dr. Anton Arcane (Louis Jourdan), who apparently didn’t die in the first film. Heather Locklear plays Arcane’s ditzy stepdaughter. She visits Arcane seeking closure to her mother’s mysterious passing. Arcane, taken by her beauty and youth, decides she would make a prime candidate for one of his experiments as he tries to obtain eternal youth for himself. Swamp Thing, hip to the mad doctors sinister shenanigans, comes to the rescue.
I liked this way better than Wes Cravens limp-dicked take on Swamp Thing (1982). This has badass mutant/monsters, fun characters, and a fucking sense of humor. Also, Swamp Thing actually looks like a cool superhero and not just some some fucking jerk in a green leotard like he did in the ‘82 version. Wynorskis initiative really comes through, especially with the opening credit sequence. Fun movie.
The Image Enertainment special edition has lots of cool special features: audio commentary from director Jim Wynorski, promo reel, still gallery, six tv spots, and theatrical trailer. You also get two public service announcements from Swamp Thing.
Weird side note: Director Jim Wynorski is one of the featured interviewees in John McCarty’s book The Sleaze Merchants. In it he’s asked what it was like working with Louis Jourdan. Very bluntly, he keeps saying he hates Jourdan. McCarty tries to delve a little deeper as to why the two didn’t get along, and Jim just keeps saying things like “It starred Louis Jourdan, whom I hate,” “Let’s just say I hate him,” “I hate him. That’s all I can tell you.” I always thought that was so fucking awesome and funny to hear a director say that about a stubborn actor. So, when I got the disc I was more than stoked to see there was an audio commentary from Jim. I couldn’t wait to hear what he had to say about Jourdan. However, on the commentary he explains that he thought he was a good actor, a little difficult to work with, but then he says “we got along”(you can hear his voice kind of change as he says it). I was hoping he was gonna call him a “cocksucker” or something. After listening to more of the commentary you can sort of tell that Jim Wynorski is way more professional than that.

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True Dudes gives The Return of Swamp Thing 3 out of 5 middle fingers.